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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Calloo, Callay, Oh! Joyous Day!

I'm back on the blog! Now I can post about:

"Le Nombrilisme", or "The Belly-Button Syndrome"

This is what blogging is all about, taking a good hard look at your belly button, checking it out for lint.

If what you are about is what your blog is about, it is vitally important to post regularly. You can't often find out how many people are reading your blog, and your friends may candidly tell you they never look at it at all, what with their bizzy, fascinating real lives, and you may not know who those strangers might be who do take a look, now and again, but after a while you can't help wondering, who, and when, and why. You become like a stage-struck actor, blinded by the footlights, peering into the mysterious black pit of the orchestra beyond, wondering: "Am I coming across?"

Because you have decided to blog, it becomes important to continue to be there for your fantasy audience, as if you had somehow made a promise to be there for them. It is like the little fox in the story of the little Prince, once you have started to tame it, you are obliged to show up, because the little fox is counting on your next visit. A post lost in transit through the blogosphere is not just a waste of typing time: it is the equivalent of standing up a guest. You invited them to drop in, and they did, only to find you absent, with enough discrepant evidence lying about all over the place to indicate an untoward event.... maybe you slipped on a patch of black ice and are being plastered up in some local emergency room, or maybe you got plastered and have a terrible hangover.

So, even if it's not the actual belly button you are staring at, you're looking straight at the lint in the same direction. "I lost my post", you explain, "I lost my template", you complain, "I couldn't sign on", you moan.

Instead of fascinating the fantasy audience, you have crashed headlong from the blogosphere of brilliance to which you aspire into a dank, mishy-mashy bog of blogging about blogging. Thus starts a gloomy spiral of so-called diminishing returns.

What happened yesterday was that I recovered my blog by the simple trick of choosing a new template, and this raised a fresh breeze into the raggedy sails with which I sail my small leaky tub. I just only needed to put in my links once more, without a hard copy of the previous links to help me, and certainly without a convenient list of all the URLs.

It worked like in accounting, LILO, last in, last out, because I still have the little pieces of paper somewhere in, under, or on my desk. Long time favorites--well, could I remember how I had first linked even? Very iffy. I decided to Google the lot, for fun.

Calloo, Callay! Oh! Joyous Day!

It turns out I am almost famous, although it's not clear what for, or how this came about.

I Googled "Aunti Establishment".

Google came back and asked me "Did you mean to say anti establishment?

And then gave me: Aunti Establishment, in position No. 1, and my blog, in position No. 2.

Well, that was certainly worth a good laugh.

Huh... Was I singled out for my spelling?

Can't, surely, be my politics. Everyone knows I have the political acumen of a moose.

This segues nicely into Iowa. Gephard--out! Despite his saying having lunch with the KKK was a "mistake". Donald Duck is out--ze French say he was "slimed by the Clintons", I thought it might have been because his missus showed up to help. I mean, didn't she just say recently that if "he" went to the White House, "she" would just carry on with her doctoring? Clark was smeared from all around about his past leanings to the Republians, and his perceived waffling on Iraq. I suggest Edwards looks very good these days by comparison, because he's come in under everyone's radar so far, so no one is paying much attention to him. Will he still be smiling so warmlly when he develops serious momentum? As for that nice man, Kerry, he still looks way too dead to generate much enthusiasm, for or against him, as far as I am concerned.

Lieberman? Well, let me say just this about Lieberman. He doesn't belong with the Democrats anyway, he is a Republican under false pretenses. Apart from that, he looks like a ventriloquist's dummy--look at his mouth, the set of his jaw. I bet, what's more, he's like that dummy who hated his ventriloquist so much he ended up killing him and taking over his identity. You know the movie, it is famous, I can't remember the name.

I hear some of you protesting: "Well, Nobbog, according to what you are always telling us, doesn't Lieberman also have buddha nature?"

True, true. It is a potential in everyone. Potential, I emphasize.

Tell you what: Why don't y'all join me and chant with me for an hour or two, to awaken Lieberman's buddha nature, so he can wake up and drop out of the race, nice and quiet, all on his enlightened own?

Never underestimate the awakening power of buddha nature. Governor Pataki weighed in recently to prevent the sudden death of rent regulations in New York. I can vouch for it, this was no accident, no coincidence.

Governor Pataki has a buddha nature too? Who would have thunk it. Well... When we say "everyone", that means "everyone".
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